Excerpt from Chapter 25:
								
								
								We were not surprised. It was bound to happen 
								and what amazed us was it hadn't been sooner. 
								Wilfried and I parted company that day. He, 
								Holder and the driver were detailed salvage work 
								on the vehicle and the rest of us were split up 
								for other duties. There were difficulties in 
								communications with our forward gun positions so 
								Command Post decided to retain me as one of 
								their runners. I wasn't too pleased about that 
								as the expected life span of a runner was pretty 
								short as a rule.
								
								
								My job was to relay messages between the Command 
								Post and three of our guns. One was by the 
								windmill tower on the road to Chelm. Another was 
								positioned behind a farm house and was a fair 
								way out across an open field and the third was 
								located, of all impossible places, by the 
								chapel, right in the centre of the cemetery. The 
								chap who'd had that run before me didn't last 
								long. He went out one night and never returned. 
								He was probably ambushed or worse, taken 
								prisoner and killed. One lonely German soldier - 
								a bullet in the neck and no witnesses.
								
								
								The gun at the windmill was closest to the 
								Command Post but was not easy to reach as two 
								Russian T34s and a number of Sherman tanks were 
								on the approaches, more or less permanently 
								entrenched and well protected by infantry units 
								dug in. They controlled the area and the road 
								leading to the tower. The gun at the farm 
								building could only be reached under cover of 
								darkness on a track across the open field or, 
								daytime, via a time-consuming detour through the 
								town ruins. Time consuming it was because one 
								could never be sure what part had changed hands 
								during the night. The eeriest run of all three, 
								however, was the errand to and from the chapel 
								in the graveyard.
								
								
								The cemetery was behind the church, not very far 
								from the main square. It was surrounded by 
								something like a 6 foot high, solid brick 
								perimeter wall and the only safe way for me to 
								get into it from the town square end was through 
								a large hole blasted by an artillery shell. I 
								couldn't use the main gate as this was 
								controlled by Russian machine gun and sniper 
								fire.
								
								
								Once inside, the cemetery was large and 
								clustered with trees although heavily damaged by 
								constant shells. Splintered tree tops and 
								branches made the going pretty tough and it was 
								very hard to find my way to the chapel in the 
								dark, especially the first couple of nights. 
								Grave stones that showed me the way one night 
								were not there the next, but instead would be a 
								large hole from a grenade.
								
								
								
								Often my entry into the graveyard coincided with 
								some hefty rounds of artillery and I was more on 
								my belly than my feet, crawling from one hole to 
								the next, all the way to the morgue. There was 
								also a certain apprehension of what the next 
								hole might reveal, as some of the graves were 
								quite fresh. The only thing I could be 
								reasonably sure of was, as long as the Russians 
								kept their artillery aimed at that part of the 
								cemetery, the chapel had not changed hands.
								
								
								
								On nights that were relatively quiet and free 
								from incoming shells I had to watch out where I 
								was going and it was always a relief to see the 
								chapel, though even then I could never be sure 
								the occupants hadn't changed. The last 20 or so 
								metres to their gun position located at the 
								southern end of the building always took me a 
								long time so we had a pre-arranged signal, a 
								short whistle to be answered by the watch at the 
								gun. Their quarters were under the chapel and 
								was accessed via a removed flagstone in the 
								aisle from where wide timber steps led down into 
								the vault. I didn't feel too comfortable the 
								first night I got to the bottom of those creaky 
								steps. The first thing I saw was rows of boxes 
								neatly stacked on top of each other. Coffins 
								they were, outlined by the dim flicker of candle 
								light shining from the gun crews' living corner. 
								In answer to my inquisitive look I was assured 
								they were still empty. I wasn't certain but 
								didn't pursue the matter.
								
								
								
								Actually, the run to the morgue carried a bonus 
								- a small reward for my death-defying feat: I 
								was given a liberal slurp of Samakhonka to help 
								me get out of the cemetery with a more 
								enlightened feeling. They had a good supply of 
								that poison and I never asked them where they 
								got it from. It was probably brewed and hidden 
								in the vault by the previous caretakers, 
								Ukrainian undertakers. It was brewed from corn 
								and carbide, or so they said. The stuff was 
								absolutely lethal, dark blue in colour, like 
								writing fluid. A tumbler full of that dubious 
								liquid gave one an elated feeling in a very 
								short time and sure made one forget present 
								worries and fears. It made one momentarily 
								brave, with the capacity to go over the line and 
								take on all single handed. This explained the 
								ferocity of a Russian ground attack, although 
								the effect on them was slightly dulled as they 
								were given the stuff routinely.
								
								
								It was always important to get out of the morgue 
								as quickly as possible and back to the Command 
								Post as the second run for the night was out to 
								the farm house via the field track. This was a 
								short cut but absolute suicide to use during 
								daylight so I had to make sure to be back before 
								dawn otherwise I was faced with a long, 
								hazardous detour through the town. It wasn't so 
								much the distance that made the alternate return 
								route so long but the daylight, and having to 
								feel my way through the ruins, not knowing what 
								was waiting around the next corner. Houses or 
								perhaps whole streets could have changed hands 
								overnight and there was always the possibility 
								of being picked off by a sniper's telescopic 
								sight and end up with a nice little hole between 
								the eyes.
								
								
								
								I never stayed longer than was necessary at the 
								farm house, just long enough to deliver or pick 
								up a message and have a quick word then be on my 
								way again. There was not much comfort there. 
								Their living quarters were under the floor 
								boards, and they had no Samakhonka either.
								
								
								Again, it was a relief to get back to the 
								familiar surroundings of the Command Post and 
								relative safety, if one could call it that. 
								First there were the two dead infantry men. They 
								had been there now for almost two weeks. Nobody 
								had shifted them yet and they had gone black and 
								were terribly bloated and would burst any time. 
								I exchanged my rifle for one lying beside one of 
								the bodies which was almost brand new and in 
								perfect condition - the rifle, not the body! My 
								rifle wasn't too good anymore. The muzzle was 
								split and the gun- sight direction pointer was 
								missing. It had happened the last time I used 
								the detour through the town, crawling from cover 
								to cover and was jumped on by a large dog. I 
								managed to put a bullet into him before he could 
								savage me but the gun barrel must have been 
								clogged up with dirt and the bullet split the 
								muzzle.
								
								
								
								Unteroffizier Kahle and his gun crew were holed 
								up by the mill. Fortunately it wasn't always 
								necessary to visit him as they were close enough 
								to contact Headquarters if they needed to so I 
								delivered only urgent messages. Invariably the 
								assignment of being a runner was a 
								heart-thumping experience as it would coincide 
								with some hefty artillery barrage, when everyone 
								else was sticking it out in their foxholes.
								
								
								
								There was a large fireplace in one wing of the 
								HQ building which was still in working order 
								though the room was not. The roof and ceiling 
								had fallen down, the result of mortar hits and 
								the few civilians in the basement had been 
								evacuated to a safer place in town. Stupid as it 
								was, we kept the fire going, though apart from 
								getting hot water, it was of no other use as the 
								smoke was a perfect invitation for mortar crews 
								to use the chimney for target practice. 
								Whoever's turn it was to keep the fire going had 
								to be mighty quick to sling the log on the grate 
								and get the hell out again before the next 
								projectile hit the roof, or what was left of it.
								
								
								One morning it was Bertl's turn. I can't 
								remember whether his name was Albert or Bertold, 
								we just called him Bertl. Lately he was keeping 
								to himself, refusing to answer when spoken to 
								and just staring with a vacant look in his eyes 
								from his foxhole and only left it reluctantly 
								when ordered to go on errand duty. He had grown 
								very moody, which wasn't surprising. Had we not 
								been trapped in Kovel Bertl would have been on 
								his home leave and was going to be married. He'd 
								told us about it before but now he was not 
								talking anymore. It was Bertl's last half hour, 
								and I wonder whether he knew it? He didn't want 
								to go in to feed the fireplace and only after we 
								goaded him did he get out of his hole to creep 
								over to the steps leading up to the entrance, 
								just five steps. I watched him going up and 
								disappear through the hole which was once the 
								proper doorway. Door and frame had long since 
								been fed to the fire. He had barely got through 
								the opening when a large shell came whizzing in 
								with its terrifying screech and crashed on top 
								of the wing. Its enormous explosion ripped the 
								entire wall where the fireplace stood and 
								brought the rest of the building tumbling down 
								on top of our foxholes which we'd so carefully 
								dug alongside.
								
								
								
								There was a long, heart-rending fearsome scream 
								and a figure stumbled down the steps, got to his 
								feet again and staggered across the courtyard 
								towards the five steps leading to the opposite 
								wing. He never reached the door. Halfway up the 
								steps he stood then fell over backwards. The run 
								across the yard was the superhuman effort of a 
								dead man. Bertl must have died the very moment 
								he was hit and by the time I managed to extract 
								myself from the rubble, it was all over for him. 
								He lay on the ground with a hole the size of a 
								fist through his chest where his heart would 
								have been. Two oversized terrorized eyes stared 
								into nowhere from his marble-white lifeless face 
								and there seemed to be not a drop of blood left 
								in the whole of his body.
								
								
								
								The shell that caused poor Bertl's untimely and 
								violent demise was not one of the usual mortar 
								grenades but a dreaded 172 mm, the first of a 
								fierce barrage. They screamed in, one after 
								another for the next five minutes or so, 
								crashing and exploding all around us. I wasn't 
								surprised, therefore, when I was called out to 
								make contact immediately with Unteroffizier 
								Kahle's gun at the silo. Being sent out when the 
								going was toughest, right in the middle of an 
								artillery barrage was the lot of a miserable 
								runner...
								
								
								I waited for the next salvo to subside before 
								making a dash but hadn't gone very far when 
								another salvo came hurtling in with a long wild 
								screech. They seemed to come four at a time, 
								each one getting closer, as if they knew exactly 
								where I was lying. Flat on my belly I tried to 
								shrivel into nothing. A split second after the 
								impact my hands dug into the frozen ground like 
								mechanical shovels, eyes closed and face in the 
								dirt, desperately trying to get a lung full of 
								air. Then came a deafening explosion when the 
								earth rose up and I shook with the tremor and 
								waited for the red hot shrapnel to come hissing 
								down and cut me to ribbons.
								
								
								
								When I finally dared to get up I was amazed to 
								see my steel helmet lying about a metre or so in 
								front of me. It had been sucked clean off my 
								head by the force of the explosion without my 
								being aware of it. I picked it up and ran, only 
								to throw myself to the ground again as another 
								round of shells came roaring in, only this time 
								not so close as the barrage was veering away 
								from me. I was still shaking but awfully glad to 
								still be alive when I reached the Kahle's tower.
								
								
								
								There were two chaps manning the gun there, its 
								barrel pointing in the direction of the 
								windbreak. I asked them where I could find Kahle 
								and they pointed to the top of the tower. Then I 
								enquired why they were pointing their gun at the 
								wind break. "Tanks" they said, "Ivan put them 
								there during the night. You can't see them from 
								down here but they are behind the trees." I 
								asked what Kahle was doing up the tower and they 
								said he wanted to send a few shell rounds in 
								their direction so was having a good look before 
								starting. "You'll have to go up if you want to 
								see him" they added.
								
								
								My job as runner was hazardous enough and I 
								didn't fancy the climb to Kahle's perch. The top 
								part was leaning badly to one side and must have 
								been hit once or twice. But Kahle wouldn't come 
								down so I'd have to go up. Inside the doorway 
								one of the crew was crouched by the stairway. It 
								was a wooden staircase with two landings and an 
								abrupt end at the second one where a large hole 
								was ripped in the wall by what must have been a 
								fairly big shell. From thereon the rest of the 
								building was leaning. Reaching the first 
								landing, I could see Kahle on the next, crouched 
								by the hole and scanning the area around the 
								wind break with his glasses. He motioned me to 
								stay where I was and slid away from the hole and 
								joined me. Then he asked me to creep up and have 
								a good look for myself.I saw them all right and 
								didn't need glasses. Mostly Sherman tanks plus 
								some T34s, charcoal black monsters with the 
								Russian red star on the turret. Rows and rows of 
								them. Twenty, fifty, maybe more, I didn't bother 
								counting. I slid down to Kahle and said I'd 
								better make my way back to Headquarters and tell 
								them, but Kahle had something else in mind and 
								had it all worked out. "No", he said, "you had 
								better stay with us for a while; I can do with 
								an extra man". He was going to tackle the job by 
								remote control, directing the shooting from the 
								top of the structure. What worried me most was 
								he kept me up there with him as he needed 
								somebody at his side to relay his corrections to 
								the gun crew.
								
								
								Well, that was the plan. We opened fire and the 
								grenades found their target though I'm sure very 
								little damage was done to the tanks' 120mm-thick 
								armour. Then Kahle was just going to tell me 
								something when the roof caved in. There was an 
								awful crash and blinding explosion which lifted 
								me off my feet and sent me tumbling down some 
								three or four steps with Kahle falling on top of 
								me. Debris fell all around us. I thought at 
								first Kahle had snuffed it but he collected 
								himself, yelled at me to get out quickly and 
								bolted down the remaining steps and disappeared 
								through the door like a hounded rabbit. I raced 
								after and we both dived into the crews' splinter 
								pit which was already occupied by Helmut who 
								wasn't too happy to share his space.
								
								
								
								Shell after shell howled in, straight from the 
								barrels of those tanks and each time they scored 
								a hit shaking the structure until it came 
								crashing down in a cloud of dust. We could hear 
								the tank motors warming up, ready to move out. 
								Kahle ordered his gun to move away to a more 
								protected position across the road where a 
								platoon of infantry was dug in. There was a 
								short lull in the shelling and he ordered Helmut 
								and me to stay in the trench while he took off 
								across the road. He returned soon after with a 
								Panzerfaust (Bazooka) in each hand. "Let them 
								come close and don't miss or you will be 
								squashed in your hole," he told us before 
								darting back to join his crew. 'Verdammtes 
								Arschloch'. We didn't say it, but we both had 
								the same thought.
								
								
								Actually, he wasn't far wrong with his advice. 
								The Panzerfaust's effective range was about 30 
								metres but had the tendency sometimes to stray 
								badly off target. It was advisable therefore to 
								let the tank come as close as possible before 
								losing your nerve and pulling the trigger. It 
								wasn't long before the first tank's massive 
								shape loomed through the debris the other side 
								of the ruined tower. He halted briefly to adjust 
								his cannon from crash position to a few degrees 
								above horizontal and then rattled forward on his 
								chains with a jolting lurch. He came nearer, to 
								about 20, maybe 15 metres, close enough to get a 
								good shot at him but it would have been instant 
								suicide for us to do so as he was closely 
								followed by the second and third tank.
								
								
								We watched the near side of the building for any 
								movement. Any tank coming from there would have 
								given us no chance as he would run straight over 
								our foxhole; we decided to save our two Bazookas 
								for that moment. "We will be dead before long, 
								anyhow" said Helmut and I had to agree with him 
								as there was no way we could get out of our hole 
								and not be seen by the tank crews. I thanked 
								Kahle for our hopeless position. Had he not kept 
								me I could be back at Headquarters.
								
								
								The tanks moved one behind the other in close 
								formation, allowing less likelihood for any to 
								run into trouble as each was pretty well covered 
								by the one behind. They made straight for the 
								road that would take them past our Command Post 
								to the town centre. Five, ten, fifteen - there 
								must have been twenty-five to thirty of those 
								monsters that rolled past our trench that 
								morning.
								
								
								
								Usually a tank formation of a that size was 
								covered by infantry protection, either riding 
								atop the battle cruisers or following closely 
								behind. But those tanks were on their own, they 
								didn't expect to run into much opposition. They 
								knew our predicament probably better than we 
								did. They knew we had no tanks in the town and 
								they also knew how short we were on ammunition. 
								What they didn't know , however, was that there 
								were a couple of 45 mm anti-tank guns in the 
								vicinity, well camouflaged and dug in out of 
								sight, one of them directly opposite our Command 
								Post.
								
								
								The last tank rolled past our hole, spitting 
								red-yellow darts in short erratic bursts from 
								his machine gun. It was a Sherman and I made 
								sure it was, indeed, the last one. "I'm getting 
								this one" I said to Helmut, who kept quiet. I 
								had to be quick before it reached the road. I 
								flung the stove-pipe over my shoulder, put the 
								safety catch to on, lined up my sight with the 
								tank's turret and pulled the trigger. There was 
								a mighty flash of flame from the barrel on my 
								back as the hollow charge arched its way towards 
								the target then I watched in horror as the 
								projectile, the size of a 6-inch thick pine- 
								apple with its metal fins extended, veered 
								slightly to the left and just clipped the tank's 
								turret on the outer edge and bounced off without 
								exploding.
								
								
								
								The tank entered the road, its crew unaware of 
								their good fortune and I guess I was also lucky 
								that the crew of the tank missed to see the 
								flame from the Panzerfaust's stovepipe on my 
								back. He would have headed straight back for our 
								foxhole, lock one chain on top and with one 
								complete turn Helmut and I would have been 
								history, gone forever. I threw the empty sleeve 
								over the side and turned round to Helmut who was 
								standing upright with his head resting on the 
								wall of the trench. I just touched him with my 
								elbow and he slowly slid sideways and came to 
								rest in a sitting position, his eyes were wide 
								open but only the white was staring out.
								
								
								It had been the narrow width of the trench that 
								stopped him from falling down in the first 
								place. Blood trickled from under his helmet. A 
								stray bullet from the tank's machine gun must 
								have hit him right under the rim of his helmet, 
								entering on one side, made a complete U-turn and 
								came out the other, neatly cutting his skull. I 
								remembered what he'd said a while before and 
								he'd been 'dead' right. I dared not remove his 
								helmet but needed to get help quickly from 
								Kahle's crew across the road, but first had to 
								make sure that last tank was not followed by any 
								latecomers or infantry. It wouldn't make much 
								difference to Helmut, or probably me, for that 
								matter. I would have got some of them with my 
								rifle but their ugly long, square sectioned 
								bayonets would have finished me off in very 
								short time.
								
								
								I heaved myself out of the trench and dashed 
								across the road. I could still see the back of 
								the last tank and figured it should be almost 
								level with one of our anti-tank guns dug in 
								there. I hoped they would be luckier than I was 
								with my effort. I found Kahle and his crew 
								sheltering behind the ruins of a house and 
								quickly told him what had happened and he got 
								two of his crew to go with him to get Helmut 
								out. "Any more tanks coming?" he asked. I said I 
								didn't know but that I thought we'd watched the 
								last go by. Then he told me to return to 
								Headquarters, which I was more than relieved to 
								do.
								
								
								I was about halfway back to the Command Post 
								when there were two explosions in quick 
								succession up the road. It was that last tank, 
								whose chains had been ruptured by two mines 
								cleverly pulled across the road by our infantry 
								using ropes. In trying to reverse the tank 
								driver rolled off the broken tracks and 
								immobilized himself directly in front of our 
								Command Post. It had suffered no other damage 
								but was still terribly dangerous as the crew of 
								five were still inside the steel walls of their 
								armaments. The tank turret with its big gun was 
								turning in a full circle, ready to blast away at 
								the slightest movement. I crouched behind the 
								ruin of a house, unable to cross the open 
								stretch that separated me from my foxhole behind 
								the Command Post.
								
								
								I was joined by a Feldwebel and his offsider. 
								They must have had something to do with the mine 
								pulling act. Those two were carrying a number of 
								stick hand grenades with them which they got 
								busy tying into a bundle. 'geballte Ladung' 
								(concentrated charge), they called it. Then the 
								Feldwebel started crawling towards the tank with 
								the bundle. "What's he doing?" I asked his mate. 
								"He will try to open the hatch for those Ivans 
								to come out" he replied, adjusting his rifle and 
								ensuring it was ready for use. "Wants to take a 
								few prisoners" he added. I looked at the monster 
								stuck there, his turret still going round. 
								"He'll have a job to get up that tank". It's 
								well over 2 metres to the top and hardly any 
								place to get a foothold," I said. "He knows 
								that, he has done it before," he replied, 
								obviously disgusted with my ignorance. His 
								attitude changed slightly when I mentioned that 
								all that wouldn't be necessary had I not missed 
								the wretched thing with my Panzerfaust. "Didn't 
								aim properly?" he wanted to know. I replied, 
								"Yes, I had him perfectly in my sight but the 
								bloody thing veered and bounced off his turret 
								without going off". "Ah", he grunted, though 
								brightened up a bit when I complemented him on 
								the rope job. "You get to know what you are 
								doing, if you do it often enough" he said, "and, 
								of course, one must be dead accurate" he added, 
								giving me a meaningful look.I didn't want to 
								offend him so I refrained from saying what went 
								through my mind.
								
								
								
								The fact that the tank had rolled off its chains 
								and churned deeply into the road, almost to the 
								rear sprocket drivewheel helped the Feldwebel 
								and he had little trouble getting up to the top 
								where he placed the bundled grenades, pulled the 
								detonator and jumped off mighty quickly. The 
								ensuing explosion ripped the lid off its hinges 
								and the turret stopped turning. The Feldwebel 
								got on again, dropped one more grenade through 
								the narrow opening created by the first 
								explosion and crouched waiting for the bang.
								
								
								There was one survivor, the driver. He opened 
								his forward driver's hatch but didn't come out. 
								Instead he fired his pistol at the Feldwebel, 
								but missed him. The Feldwebel did not miss when 
								he returned the fire. The driver couldn't have 
								been more than sixteen.
								
								
								
								I was glad to be back in my foxhole. I reported 
								in to the staff sergeant, told him about the 
								windmill tower and what had happened out there, 
								and to Helmut in particular. "Unteroffizier 
								Kahle will bring him in shortly," I said.
								
								
								Unteroffizier Kahle was later awarded the Iron 
								Cross First Class for his exploit at the tower. 
								I was at his side then but didn't get a 
								mention...
								
								
								Bertl was still lying there when I got back. 
								They hadn't had the opportunity to shift him but 
								would be taking him to the cemetery in the 
								evening and put him in one of those 'empty 
								boxes' in the chapel vault I supposed.
								
								
								Hans, a fellow runner with HQ went out that same 
								morning on an errand to Wachtmeister Wehrt's 
								position, but never came back. He came from a 
								shoemaker's family near Weissenfels and was 
								fascinated by leather. If he found a dead horse 
								with a saddle on its back he would bring it back 
								and cut all the good leather into small bits the 
								shape of shoe soles which he stored in his 
								rucksack to take to his parents on his next 
								leave. The rucksack was still there but Hans 
								wouldn't be taking it home anymore. I was asked 
								to include the run out to Wehrt's gun in my 
								itinerary but never found out what happened to 
								Hans, except his dog plate turned up at 
								Headquarters.
								
								
								Some of the advancing tanks must have run into 
								trouble, judging from the sound of shooting and 
								explosions that came from the town square. Our 
								artillery had surprised them and they lost four 
								in quick succession to the German field guns. A 
								105mm shell fired from close quarters goes 
								through 100mm of steel like a knife through 
								butter. The other tanks had split up into 
								smaller groups and were heading in different 
								directions. Actually their overall success 
								wasn't very great as by the end of the day most 
								of them had been picked up and immobilized or 
								destroyed, either by artillery or by individual 
								effort like that of the Feldwebel's this 
								morning.